Date:  Fri Jan 26, 2001 4:03am

Hi I'm new here and thought I'd share my story,

About 7 months ago I suffered a panic  attack, which I didn't handle too
well.  After seeing my md a few times I was put on Cipramil and told I
would feel myself again in about 4-6 weeks. About 2 weeks into the meds
my panic attacks worsened - I had really hot surges rushing through my
whole body. Not to mention horrible nightmares and obsessive thoughts
that I was going to lose it and kill somebody. I'm still traumatised
and plagued by these thoughts and believe me I was NEVER a violent
aggressive person. My pdoc assured me it wasn't  the medication but
part of the depression. I kept on taking it. I went back to work
about 4 weeks into the med and started noticing that I didn't feel real
anymore. By the 6th week I was an absolute zombie, emotionless,
physically numb - I couldn't feel the water running on me in the shower
or taste food. I arrived at work one morning and felt like I didn't
know where I was or how I got there.  I broke down and haven't been
back at work since (that was about 4 months ago).  The psychiatrist
told me it was the depression that was making me feel this way, but
also  made me stop the Cipramil cold turkey.  That's when another
nightmare began.   Severe dizziness, to the point where I felt like I
was going to pass out or lose control, I even slept with the light on
because of the fear.  At the time I didn't know it was
withdrawal...thought I was losing my mind. That lasted for over a month,
never really subsided.  I then saw a naturopath with no success. 
I now  know that I was still suffering from withdrawal, but thought it
impossible at the time - 2 months later, so  I went to another pdoc and
was given Zoloft, was on that for 6 weeks, have been off it almost 4.
I'm now suffering hellish withdrawal AGAIN.  Feel really disconnected
and drugged out most of the time.  Have heart palpitations, tightness in
the head, dizzyiness, tinnitus, flashes of memories and images.  I feel
as thought a part of me has died.  Find it hard to believe that I was
anything but this person, nothing feels real anymore.  These drugs have
taken my identity, destroyed my relationships with friends and
family...made me unable to function like a normal human being.  I  have
completely lost my grip, hate to go out and be around people.   Don't
even feel comfortable with my family.   I've been taking vitamins and 
St.John's Wort to try and help with detox, but still the nightmare
continues.  Sometimes it feels like it will never end.

Debbie

Date:  Fri Jan 26, 2001 4:53am

Response: 
Hi Debbie, welcome.......
I want to tell you that IT IS THE DRUGS!!!!  Your
story sounds like mine,  YOU WILL GET BETTER!!!!!  it
will take time, (a long time)  but you will get better.
I would not take the St. Johns wort if I were you, 
wean off, if it's possible......until you get stable, 
and then maybe try it later, I think some people here
take it, but not right away after their reaction.

Dont let the doctors tell you that your crazy or you
developed anything, they are full of poop, dont let
yourself end up in the mental hospital either,  that
is where the unlucky ones end up...... dont take any
other drugs that the doctors offer you, they will try
to push paxil or a benzo on you, try to get off
everything (slowly) and give yourself time to heal,
you will heal. 

And ask all the questions you want here,  we have all
been there, did you read any stories on the FILES
section.............I hope you get help here, thanks, 

Cynthia

Date:  Fri Jan 26, 2001 6:38am

Hi Cynthia,

Thanks for your kind words and support. It is wonderful to know that 
others have experienced the same and recovered. For a while I 
didn't believe it was the drugs, but after reading other people's 
experiences at drugawareness.com and here, I now see it is.  Today I 
actually feel a little better, not so foggy and drugged out. I've 
been seeing a naturopath and so perhaps something I'm taking is 
working ? Hard to know. I'm taking tmg (as well as some other 
things), anyone else here taking it ?

It's been almost 4 weeks since I stopped Zoloft, pdoc wants me to 
start Effexor, but I decided no more drugs. I don't believe a word he 
says anymore, he treats me like an idiot. I keep throwing things at 
him like 'adrenal exhaustion' and he doesn't know how to reply.  All 
he can do is tell me how bad I look and make me feel worse.  Last time 
I saw him, which was at about 2 weeks off Zoloft, he wouldn't believe 
that I hadn't had any panic attacks and made me hold my hands out to 
see if they were shaking (they weren't :-).
Anyway thanks for listening,

Debbie

Date:  Fri Jan 26, 2001 4:44pm

Response:
STAY AWAY FROM EFFEXOR!!!!!  That's my advice to you today.  It is a really 
dirty drug and if you think you had problems with Paxil and Zoloft, you ain't 
seen nothing yet.  I hate to sound mundane, but your story is very very very 
typical.  You need to get a new doctor.  He is nothing but a whore for the 
drug companies.  Anytime your doctor doesn't believe what you say about these 
drugs, you know he hasn't done his homework.  What is really distressing is 
when you complain about side effects and they say to you, "Oh, that means the 
drug is working."  This is a crock!!  What it means is that the drugs are 
causing brain damage.  It is a long recovery from taking an SSRI.  I was 
desperately ill for two years -- couldn't hardly leave my house, but little 
by little, I've gotten better -- I'm not completely well, but I'm better.  
And you will be too.  Good luck.  

Trisha